From The Chronicles of Prof. Biggerstaff:

Whilst investigating the previous night’s celestial occurrences near the agricultural warehouse district at the western periphery of town, I happened to notice a rather copious amount of strangely-shaped, blue colored granules strewn about the ground. These granules, I was certain, fell to earth during the glowing rain I observed over this area the night before. Stirring about in a small pile of granules with a bit of cardboard and peering intently at the results through my monocle, I noticed this obviously deceased creature beneath the pile, whose likeness I have appended to this missive. Not recognizing it, a remarkable occurrence for one of such mythic intellect, I collected the specimen and returned with all haste to my rooms above the Me-Too Grocery Emporium. Upon my arrival, I undertook to examine the creature at length under the glass.

I deduced physionomically that it must be a parasitic life form, having no propulsive appendages and thus resembling, in that regard, other parasitic forms with which I am familiar, such as Taenia and Echinococcus. It must therefore somehow find itself in proximity to its eventual host in order to effect infection since it appears incapable of venturing far by its own means. Judging by its size and shape, and assuming from that its apparent method of locomotion, it was obviously capable of entering the body through the aural canal or nasal cavity. Having done so, logic dictates, it would move thence to the brain where it must no doubt ensconce itself and, via intimate contact with the neural pathways therein, assume control of the unfortunate host.

I then recalled that the animalcule had evidently fallen within the strange rain of granules and so, as seemed clear, must be related somehow to that phenomenon. Perhaps the granules housed the incipient form of the creature, serving a function not unlike ova. And the granules were most abundant near the agricultural warehouse district, where, I realized with a start, reposed great bins of goose feathers which are used for the production of feather pillows and down-filled bed accoutrements! And, this inexorable line of reasoning concluded, few items come in closer contact with the human head than a goose feather pillow! Thus, if these parasitic forms were mixed within the supply of goose feathers and came to be sewn within pillows, they would be within the proximity necessary to effect parasitization of humans!

This conclusion was electrifying and sent immediate rivulets of cold dread trickling down my spine! Our world had been invaded by a hitherto unimagined and no doubt evil species, likely bent upon the demise of humanity! But drawing upon boundless self-control, I determined to consider this phenomenon further before raising the alarum.

Having studied Heinlein’s revealing treatise on “The Puppetmasters” as well as scientifically indisputable televised documentary broadcast evidence, e.g., “The Invaders” and “The X-Files,” I recollected the hump-backed appearance of those afflicted by a Puppetmaster, the crooked little finger of one subsumed by an Invader, the oily-eyed stare of a black oil host and the abnormally prominent cervical vertebrae of a so-called Super Soldier. I was thereby convinced that a host under the baleful influence of this creature would somehow betray its presence, quite apart from any vacant countenance and shambling gait which, we must admit, is not uncommonly observed in many non-parasitized individuals already.

I therefore turned my attention to the caudal appendage, which to my keenly-honed logic bespoke a respiratory organ. This, no doubt, is thrust through the lachrymal caruncle of the eye, this orifice being near to the brain, and functions to permit the intake of oxygen and the exhalation of waste gases to support the presence of the creature. Thus, the parasitized host should be identified by carefully scrutinizing the eyes to detect the presence of the respiratory organ protruding slightly therefrom! To be forewarned is to be armed!

To test this hypothesis I descended from my rooms and set out upon the street with my stoutest briar stick to observe passersby for the presence of the alien intruder. It soon became clear that a cunning intellect was at work, as a goodly number of pedestrians were outfitted with spectacles having lenses of smoked glass! Those thus attired were immune to my piercing examinations - I could not see their eyes and so was unable to confirm the presence of the noxious invader!

Seeing no recourse, I fell upon the first such bespectacled individual and delivered a mighty blow to his head and thus laid him low. Tearing the spectacles from his face I peered intently at his eyes. No trace of the alien presence! Ye gods! Could I be wrong? I spun about, dashed after another one and laid him low! Again I tore the spectacles from him and examined the eyes! Again nothing! The sly parasitic devils must be able to retract their breathing apparatus for a short time! This bolt of insight having struck home, I set about the grim task of putting down every spectacle-wearing person I could apprehend.

Having swung my stick against the head of my twelfth host, I felt my arms gripped by strong hands. Looking about, I saw I was in the certain grasp of two grim-faced and burly members of the constabulary! I shouted to them to leave me be about my business of saving humanity from this scourge, but to no avail. Ignorant swine! They soon had me clapped in irons and had tossed me unceremoniously into the wagon, by means of which I was spirited away to the gaol.

Subsequent events do not bear repeating, such was my chagrin and embarrassment at the disrespectful treatment I received. No one to whom I was permitted to speak placed any credence in my counsel. I raved until hoarse of voice, but to no avail. Perhaps those of such limited intellect and mulish disposition do not deserve to be saved! Suffice to say, as I sit here in this bizarre cushioned-walled room attempting to set down this adventure for posterity, that I shall return! I shall not be dissuaded from my crusade to save mankind!

Next in the Chronicles of Prof. Biggerstaff: My neighbor was a vampire.

Written by Mark Shepard

[note: the alien parasite is actually the larva of a soldier fly, the blue granules are simply copper sulfate, and there’s nothing like a bit of lightning to make the rain glow]

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Just by attending a few
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